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Had to post this somewhere - Tell me once upon a time
I close my eyes and see myself reborn
xaefryl
xaefryl
Had to post this somewhere
There's a condensed version of this on my tumblr, but oh my god, I want to rip this application to pieces.

Backstory: I was made an admin at Olympian RPG a while back and check for new character applications every few days. We normally get a handful every time I check and, for the most part, they're usually okay - need work, a spell check, details, etc. Usually, it's nothing horrendous.

One of our big rules at the forum is no OC deities. We're strictly following Greek/Roman mythology as it is written into the Percy Jackson/Heroes of Olympus universe.

(My commentary in bold; all spelling has been left as written by applicant)

First Name: Erissia
At this point, I've figured this is supposed to be some version of Elysia.

Last Name: Leaf-in mortal world(no last name on olympus)
and cue red flag #1. The fact that she chose "Leaf" for a last name is just kind of pathetic. At least be creative.

Gender: Female

Species: God, Goddess or Other Immortal

Current Location: Banned from Olympus
Lemme guess why; impersonating a deity?

Age: 767

Race: Greek

History: Autumn's godess, Erissia
This isn't even a history. This is nothing.

Mother: Persephone(Godess of spring)

Father: Apollo(God of the sun, arts and healing)

Oh, wait, here's the history!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is my 20th reincarnation. I only last 20 years at a time, each time being born into a new clueless familly, each time with a new task to compleate in erder to be reborn again...
Nothing says bad characterization like a goddess who only lives 20 years and has to do tasks in order to reincarnate. Also, how can she be 767 years old if she's lived to 20 years old 19 times and is 14 years old now? A quick calculation says she'd only be 394 years old.

Even though, techni - oh, why am I even bothering to try to logic this out?


Now 14 years into this life i find i need someone to take over my job so i may be immoral and free in a permenent placement...
Why find someone to take over your job so you can be immoral when you can just be immoral anyways? Let's get some tequila shots and lock hookers into freezers!

but still i must compleat my task. This time i vow to free my mother once and for all from hades...
...
Has this girl even read the mythology? Persephone doesn't need to be freed. And even in the Percy Jackson universe, the only time she acts like she hates Hades is in the movie, which isn't even what the forum is based on.


My first birth was from my true mother in the underworld... hades wanted none other to destroy me... he posesed me to most horible crimes...
Can we just stop bastardizing and Satanizing the guy? He's not evil.

Unaware of my condemer... i was sent to serve my step father hades... several long years later i tried to seek help, and became Selene's succesor takeing on the role of godess of autumn's nights and it's moon...
In the PJO universe, Selene faded a hell of a long time ago and Artemis took over as the moon goddess. Do we not recall that? You, sweetie, are not going to be given Artemis' job.

I had concile with zues and was rendered to be reincarinated every 20 years to rediscover my legacy... and now being my 20th time i am to be set free but only if i find someone to take my burden... And shall i suceed, depends on weather one freely eccepts my role...
Let me clue you in to something. No one is going to "take your burden". You gave yourself this stupid role in life and no one at the site is stupid enough to take it from you.

Sometime in one of my reincarnations i crossed hecate gaining her blessind and ability over controlling air grately aiding me, this of course made my tital, of autumn's godess, stick with me.
Excuse me if I'm wrong, but in no version of the myths I've ever read does Hecate control air. Air is Zeus, Aeolus, and the Anemoi. Hecate is not one of them. She is the goddess of witchcraft, crossroads, ghosts and necromancy. Do your research.

Appearance: http://www.elfwood.com/art/s/a/sammyj1999/autumn_goddess2.jpg
Linking to a piece of art that I highly doubt is not hers. Add another check to the list of stupid things to do on an application.

Personality: Reliable
enthusiastic
full of surprises
moods usualy change rapidly
determined with anythig
Sarcastic at time
varry honest when answering questions
scared about posibly being recaptured
but mostly joyus and serious
List of personality traits that do nothing to flesh out her actual personality. Another check, please.

And completing her application with what is clearly a bad fanfiction meant to put her in a good light! All of which puts her on a pedestal of perfection and specialness!
Roleplay Sample: Preface

In an Autumn evening a party is in progress. But no men are present tonight. Girls no older than twelve dance in such a manor they flow with the wind's current. They chuckle from time to time as if conversation lingers in their telepathic minds. (If the girls are no older than twelve, why is a fourteen year old amongst them?)
The air lifts and turns the color' some leaves forming a funnel around a teenage beauty. her hands mimicked the wind's direction perfectly, or is it, the other way around. (Hooray, magical powers!)

Dawn is about, and most is now barren. Yet Erissia sits atop a tree waiting...
she fidgets with her hands moving the leaves so unnaturally as if to make them dance.
A tint of green glow is tangles around said girl. And now as the moon takes flight, the light glows brighter and more blinding. At once the light lessens into blue. And here is were we find the true form of Erissia. Golden leaf-like wings (what...where was this in her description? Oh, wait, we were only given a picture!) flutter from her back and a white dress flows right above her feet. One might mistake her for an angel of sorts. (No, we really wouldn't)
"Erissia, goddess of autumn, I call upon Selene"
A slight breeze tickles the air, a sure sign of Selene's presence. (Selene, who has, in canon, faded with Endymion into only the memory of mortals is suddenly present and accounted for.)
"Erissia, what a pleasure to behold thy successor over Autumn"
The goddess Erissia slightly bows to the invisible being.
"Thank you Lady Selene, how might I serve you?"

"Not at all, thy follower. I handed you my position over Autumn's moon. You are free to use this gift as well as those from Hecate. Bend moonlight, make it your own. I watch with great curiosity young goddess" (Because, clearly, you're meant to be super special, so you get gifts from a goddess who's no longer around.)

Only now does a faint figure of an older woman followed by such wonderful voice saying words of depart, show so ever lightly.

"Be warned child, the night is a force of evil. You must chose whether to darken or brighten the nights" (Excuse me? Night is not a force of evil. Quit your bullshit.)

Now she realizes that her white dress has turned black, and her gold leaf wings have turned silver made of pure moonlight. Different, yet still elegant. (Because, of course, when you're a goddess, you have to be different, yet still elegant.)

The presence leaves her, and a choice is all that is left with her. (Does this choice involve throwing yourself into Tartarus?)
* * * * *

Yeah, this was automatically rejected. The applicant was informed that OC deities are not accepted and told to thoroughly review the rules of the site. I just had to put this somewhere so I can laugh at it later because, oh god, there were tears in my eyes when I went through it with my sisters, I was laughing so hard.

I really hope this application was a joke. Really. I thought the child-goddess adopted by Annabeth's family was bad. Then I got this one.

Tags: , , ,
Current Mood: amused amused
Current Music: Eluveitie: Setlon

5 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
yuuzaiden From: yuuzaiden Date: June 14th, 2012 07:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
Didn't even finish reading it and I'm crying in my wheaties. this is so terrible that it's awesome.
xaefryl From: xaefryl Date: June 14th, 2012 07:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's just one of those things you desperately hope was a joke, but then you think that someone actually seriously wrote it and it's so painfully terrible you just can't help crying.
pellimusprime From: pellimusprime Date: June 14th, 2012 07:45 pm (UTC) (Link)
i lost my shit at the "immoral" part dsfdsfdgfhh
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xaefryl From: xaefryl Date: June 14th, 2012 11:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's painful and I'm sorry I posted it because now my friends have to read it too. XD;;
xaefryl From: xaefryl Date: June 14th, 2012 11:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
We actually have no characters at the site named Elysia or any alternate thereof. The only reason I can come up with for it being spelled Erissia is that the applicant is this weeaboo little otaku writing the name like it'd be pronounced in Japanese.

Which is no good excuse at all. DX
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